Two years ago today, my step sister and her 12 year old son were savagely murdered by her ex-husband. They had been married only a short time then Renee’ knew she had to get him out of their lives, she had the marriage annulled. She went home to tell him he had to go. He called his mother to whine about not having anywhere to go. Then his mother called Renee’ and talked her into letting Bill stay until he found another place to live.
The timeline fails me but I believe it was just a matter of days when he calmly walked into a Hollywood, FL Police Station and calmly told his friend, a detective, that he had just killed Renee’ and Josh.
Bill a 215lb former boxer had, “in self defense”, killed a 95lb woman and her 12 year old son.
The police went to their trailer to find a massacre, they had been brutally stabbed to death. Bill says in “self-defense”. Apparently they had attacked him. I was not there and I did not ever have the opportunity to meet them but 1+1 always =2.
I’m writing this post in hopes of helping others in abusive relationships and asking friends of those who might be in that kind of relationship to give them the courage to get out.
Please do not stay and try to work things out.
Please do not let other people guilt you into staying – no matter who they are!!!
In this case, the first person To guilt Renee’ into marrying Bill was her pastor.
The second person to guilt her into letting him stay was his mother.
I wonder what their guilt is like now? I wonder if those conversations play over and over in their minds as they remember Renee’ and Josh?
Carolyn’s last conversation plays over and over in her mind as she remembers her daughter and grandson. She was a voice of reason and told Renee’ Bill had to go.
The voice of reason was not heeded but the voices of guilt and condemnation were.
If you are in a verbally, emotionally, or physically abusive relationship get out! If you need help getting out, find help. If I know you, I will help you. Go to your local police station, ask about a shelter, go to a local crisis pregnancy center, they should have connections to a shelter or at least a phone so you can call around to find one.
Whatever you do, get out. I’m not saying the relationship is lost forever but you need to be in a safe place while the abuser finds the help they need and they change.
In memory of Renee’ and Josh Bader
March 18th, 2009